Millions of people mill about searching for their “soul mate,” thinking there’s that ONE person which will make them crazy happy FOREVER. Their idea is so rigid of what this looks and feels like that it obscures the real picture. The reality is that there are tens of thousands of people we can be married to happily. However, with the one soul mate focus is so narrow we can’t see the possibilities awaiting right before us.
If there are tens of thousands of people out there for us, how do we go about achieving that “soul mate” goal of being able to connect with someone on a deeper level where w
One relationship key Joe and I talk about is knowing our values. What are those key things we won’t compromise on? Having at least five to ten things we know we have to have in a relationship, it makes it easier to sort through potential new relationships. The interesting thing is before Joe and I met, we each had a list of the kind of person we wanted to share our lifetime with. We knew we didn’t want to be in a relationship if those core values weren’t present. Everything else we get is the icing, right?
If we are already in a relationship, how do we meet in the middle so we are both happy? What values do we share? How do we enhance what we have? If I can’t meet one of my values with my partner, how can I get it fulfilled outside the relationship in a healthy way?
Do I have someone in my family or a close friend who could possibly meet that need to remove the burden from my partner? There are ways even in a relationship to achieve almost the same goal.
Boundaries – What are the “if this happens, then this happens…” If I know what things are deal breakers, I communicate this directly to my partner or potential partner. It’s clear to them what I will and won’t tolerate. In other words, I am teaching them how to treat me.
Oftentimes, people who stay together have one thing in common, “divorce is not an option.” These are people looking for ways to make it work. They lay down boundaries and ground rules. Joe and I even have rules for Fair Fighting. We have to know how to engage with each other, and not while we are “hot.” If we aren’t able to communicate in a loving, respectful, graceful way, one human to another, we take a time out until our “heartspace” is in the right place. Otherwise, we say things we don’t mean and instead of focusing on the problem, we are focused on the hurt that has just been slung at us, and the problem exacerbates, rather than gets solutions.
If we used relationships like a car metaphor, it doesn’t matter what kind of car we are driving, it matters if we learn how to drive and how to navigate those peaks and valleys; driving around the hazards, take the scenic blue highway to enjoy the ride.
When all else fails, infuse your relationship with humor. Sometimes we are too serious and we are worried about things that don’t really matter in the long term of things, or we need a different approach or perspective. Humor offers this avenue.
These are just a few ways to BUILD A SOUL MATE. The main idea is to look at it as an ongoing thing we work on together. We both need to look inside ourselves and grow and learn and be flexible. It may be a difficult process sometimes. And it is so very much worth it.
Bless you in all your relationships; and may love find its way permanently in your heart. ~ Marie