Connecting With Your Partner When a Ghost Comes to Visit

You’re in a relationship that has slowed down a bit.  The wonderful sparkly feelings you had for each other are dulled and now the ghosts of relationships past have come to visit.  They start revealing all your insecurities and all your fears.  Maybe you felt you were never enough, and there was a pattern of jealousy or not measuring up.  Maybe there were past mistrust issues of someone not being their word or cheating.  When there’s a quiet or an internal void, these old past stories and patterns whisper in our ears and we begin to tremble.  Not only do we being to tremble, but we even cause worry and trembling in our partners. 

It’s time to have the courage to take a hard look.  What am I doing to cause this?  If this is a relationship I really want to keep, what can I do to nourish it and grow it?

For those of us who might have some resentments or old feelings from past relationships that might pop up and invade our connection, here are a few tips:

1.     COACHING.  Maybe find a coach or another neutral third party you can talk with to help you see another perspective, who helps you to see each other in high esteem and might have a tool or two for you. 

2.     BURN THEM.  One activity I do a lot with my clients is to have them write their resentments down.  It can be a journal entry on a piece of paper or one word that encapsulates an event written on a piece of wood and burn it.  Sometimes I include a small little chant that says something like may the energy of these resentments transmute and return the energy of love.  You’d be surprised how just a different mindset can alter the feelings and outcomes.

3.     CHATS AND CHECK-INS.  When things come up for you, take some time to capture your thoughts and feelings to understand what you are truly experiencing.  What’s coming up for you?  Using “I” statements, express to your partner what you are feeling, assure them it has nothing to do with them and that you are trying to work through it.  If things get too intense, refer back to tip #1 and get a neutral third party to help you out.  Sometimes misunderstandings happen because we’ve had big gaps in spending time with each other and there a communication gap.

Know this, having an awareness that you want to rekindle your relationship is half the battle.  Now you can look for ways to keep the flame burning.  And also know that it’s okay that it’s normal not to have a continuous bonfire.  We are committed to continuing to bring you more and more ways to stay connected.  You can reach out to us with questions or comments or ideas for future articles:  Marie@Mariesgold.com. Enjoy each other and have fun connecting.  If you’d like more ways to connect, maybe try Heart Crate, a date box service delivered to your door!   https://heartcrate.com/