Joe came to me today saying, “I know I haven’t spent a lot of time lately doing romantic things, and I want to be successful at it by doing something tonight. Will you help me?”
Now ladies, before you go off thinking, “my guy would never ask me this question”, consider this. Have you built an environment that has nurtured and allowed your spouse to ask for what he needs without feeling pressure, criticism or judgement? If you haven’t done this in the past and all of the sudden wanted this, it might be shocking (Yes…this goes both ways. I know men who need this connection in their lives too.)
Here are some ways you can help each other out:
1. SEEK TO MEET YOUR PARTNER’S NEEDS. Ask & Tell. Each person is so different in what they think is romantic. Some women really think it’s sexy watching their man do chores; and some need gentle touches and thoughtful words and gazes all day. Some like flowers and baths. And some may even enjoy working in acts of service together. We can learn to be a student of our partner and their needs/wants. No one was born reading minds. You have to let them in on what you want. If you don’t know, take some time to discover. It’s never too late.
Most men usually just like you to show up naked at the door, or maybe a slow massage and a beer. However, don’t assume. Ask him!
Here’s the other part of this for both parties. REWARD THEM if they put forth effort toward what you want even if it doesn’t meet your expectations. They are putting something into the relationship! If we leave judgement out and praise all attempts, they’re more likely to do it. I remember once dressing up very sexy only to have a partner disregard me and keep watching t.v.! It took me a super long time to ever do that again. We all want our efforts to get noticed. And we fear judgement of how it looks or comes across most of all!
2. MAKE CONNECTING & ROMANCE A PRIORITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Joe and I got lucky in that we were heavy into the working part of our relationship when we got together with kids and demanding jobs and home life. We needed a break and started dating every week from the beginning. Twenty five years later, we still date every week. It’s not always all out or a big investment of time and money, it’s just taking the time to connect.
Remember when you first started dating and you made extra effort to go do fun things and to flirt and dress sexy? If not, it’s never too late. We humans need variety and fun in our lives.
***If you’re stumped for ideas, get the Romance Cookbook with recipes for dating. MariesGold.com/shop It doesn’t have to be a lot of time or money.
3. MAKE YOUR BEDROOM A SACRED SPACE FOR CONNECTION AND SEX –
At one of our conferences, our Feng Shui gal, Deborah gave us tips on making sure we DECLUTTER our room, making only room for things we need for sleep and intimacy. (no engine parts, work or kids) And we can always set up an Ambiance of candles, flowers and fragrances if someone likes that.
Romance is another word for finding time to nurture and commit to your relationship and finding ways to deepen the connection in your relationship. These are just a few steps. May your love be all you want and more. Unleash!