You’ve been together for over ten years. You think you know each other well; and in many ways you do. However, we are humans who are ever changing and evolving. Has your relationship evolved over this time too? You bet it has! And have you kept your fingers on the pulse? I hope so! How do we reconnect?
One thing that happens when we’ve been together a long time in a relationship is that it gets comfortable and we are in the “working” part of our relationship; going to our jobs, taking care of kids, doing housework. all the have tos. Things get dull and humdrum because our lists of things we have to do is so long, and we don’t have fun together.
It’s understandable. However, it’s extremely dangerous place in our relationship if we don’t make INTENTIONAL time to connect with our partner to get know them as they are now. What are their goals and dreams and strengths and challenges NOW? Often when relationships get a little shaky or maybe even struggling, it’s because we have made everything else a priority and not our partner.Our relationship deserves connection.
Brene Brown says: Connection is the energy that exists when people feel seen, heard, and valued, when they can give and receive without judgement and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” Brene Brown
When was the last time you had a real conversation about what is important to each of you? Do you feel seen, heard and valued? If not, what would it take? Is the relationship reciprocal? Do you both give and receive without judgement?
These are hard questions; and yet, they are important ones to ask. For if we want deep, meaningful relationships, we need these questions answered. If they aren’t true now, is it possible for us to get there? How do I intentionally reconnect? Fortunately, there are experts in this field who can assist you in reconnecting.
The first thing to do is to be intentional. What are some things you used to do together that you might still enjoy? If you don’t have big pockets of time, what are some smaller things you can do? Here are a few ideas: Go for walks; have a coffee, wine, or icecream date; read together; do a sport together; bike rides; Sunday dinner; focused telephone conversations; gaze at the stars. Pick something and set aside the time to do it every week. If you can’t do it at the same time, snag one of those pockets of time. You know the ones where you watch television, scour social media or play a video game? There’s nothing wrong with any of these; it’s just that we can go down the rabbit hole and not come up.
The goal is to look for “PRIME TIME” giving our partners quality time, energy and fresh attention with each other so we can rejuvenate together. We need time to communicate with each other what is important to us NOW in this moment and to be heard.
When my husband and I start miscommunicating or bickering, usually it’s because we haven’t spent time together. Right then when someone notices, we say, “let’s go grab coffee.” Joe and I have committed to go to coffee weekly. Sometimes we talk, and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes the conversation may be really deep, and sometimes it can be superficial. The important thing is we have carved time out that is consistent so we can stay attuned to each other.
There is no wrong way. There is only an intentional consistent way that works for YOU two. Here are some ways we connected again: BLOG. Stay tuned for some reconnection ideas.
If you would like to recommit to your relationship, you can read my article on Brushing Up on Your Vows here, Or contact Marie here. ~ Spread the love, Marie (aka LuvRev)