5 Do’s and 5 Don’ts to Say to Someone in Grief

Lately, I have worked with many people in grief, and I know friends and family of those I work with are at such a loss as to what they should say and do for the person left behind.  They want to “help,” because it is human nature to want to do something.  In this case, I have come up with a few quick dos and don’ts to help you in the moment.


1.   She is in a better place.

2.  It was his time to go.

3. God needed them in heaven more.

4. At least they lived a good life.

5. You are strong.  You are resilient

Instead, try some of these.


  1. Say nothing at all.  Just be with the person in silence. Or give them a hug.
  2. Tell them one of your favorite memories about their loved one.
  3. Say, I am always a phone call or a text away.
  4. I am here for you if you need anything.
  5. I wish I knew the right words to say to let you know how much I care.

In my experience, for the first few days, it’s best to give the person who is grieving some space to be alone and to be with their family.  Most often, they are processing what has happened.  It seems surreal and wrong that their beloved is gone.  They might be in denial or bargaining for more time.  There is so much emotion to deal with.

The best we can do is remember that each person expresses grief in their own way.  They might be quiet, or outraged, or busy, or even extremely still.  We can be the rock that is there for them whenever they need it.

Lastly, keep touching base with them, expecting nothing in return, even when the last candles burn out, and family all goes home and people resume their lives.  This is probably the most important time not to forget them.  We are together in this thing called grief, sometimes it is in big moments like death and sometimes it is in the smaller moments.  Let’s be there for each other.

Take care, Luv Rev

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