Recently, I had an encounter with someone for a week filled with I’m sorry but… (maybe it’s butts?)  Each time, the phrase was a preface to a derogative comment meant to reflect an opinion of the user,  usually demeaning, hurtful, or demoralizing.  It was incredibly painful to listen to, so why did I?

The short answer is that it came from someone I knew who was on their deathbed.  Nothing I could do or say to change this person’s understanding or experience.  However, it is great food for thought and passing it on so another can transform from this hatred behavior.

Why am I so offended by it? 

Are you? 

First of all, it is NOT an apology.  You don’t really care to be forgiven, or to be acknowledge for needing forgiveness.  It is a statement said to “excuse” bad behavior.

How do I know?  I listened to the words carefully said afterwards.   I am sorry BUT, that hairstyle is awful.  I am sorry BUT you really do look fat.  I am sorry to hurt your feelings.

A true apology comes from the heart, and when it is made, you are looking someone in the eyes and making a vow to try not to make the same mistake or create the same hurt you did.

I am a fan of mindfulness, mostly because it makes the world a kinder place, and actually has me reflect on my words and behavior to see if it is contributing or tearing down. What if, before you said something, you actually thought about your words carefully?    I am still a fan of if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Even if what I have to say may be a difficult thing needed to be said in communicating something, I can still choose my words carefully.

What a great thing to practice mindfulness and the impact I can have on the world every day.  Bless your week! ~Marie (aka Luv Rev)

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