Your fiance’ wants you to write your own wedding vows, and you want to gush about them and tell them all the reasons you love them, and… you are terrified. What do you do? I promise there is a simple way to put this together, and you will feel so glad you did it. Not only will you have an ecstatic partner, you will have a memorable moment.

Writing vows is a great way to personalize your wedding and make your special day more memorable. However, the task can be daunting, especially if you feel you are not a good writer. There are a few simple questions that will help ease you through the process.

The first step, just breathe. Really, you will be okay. And remember, your fiance’ only wants to hear why you love them. Obviously you must know how to say something to get their attention because they have decided to marry you. By breathin

BRAINSTORM. Next, brainstorm all the reasons why you love this person. Think about how they make you feel and how is that different than what you’ve experienced before? In what ways do they show you they love you? How do they make you laugh? The purpose of a brainstorm is to get your thoughts down. So, write as fast as you can, without pausing, without filtering or judging, just to see what shows up. Underline the phrases you feel emotionally connected to or tug at your heart strings. Chances are, if it tugs at you, it will tug at them too.

LOOK FOR THEMES. Then, as you read through your list, are there themes that show up? For example, as I was writing my renewal vows for my 25th anniversary, I kept seeing all the ways my partner and I were adventurous, from jumping out of an airplane to raising children, so I chose adventure as a way to connect my sentences. It gives my words structure and allows them to move. I can even use adventurous metaphors like riding life like a roller coaster.

WRITE A ROUGH DRAFT. Remember, it’s a “rough draft,” which means you are putting it together, and there’s always time for additions and deletions and rewrites until it feels comfortable for you. Here is an outline of how you can organize it:

  • open it with their name, or pet name you have for them
  • tell them how you are feeling on this day you are to be married
  • speak from your heart, telling your partner how special they are and what you appreciate about them as your partner
  • Describe how you envision your marriage to grow and thrive throughout the years
  • Convey how you want to show up for them in the marriage through making promises or stating an intentions.
  • close with how much you love them…

EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. Next, go through your vows several times to make sure you are saying what you want to say. Since only your eyes are seeing them, you don’t have to worry as much about grammar or spelling as much. You do want to be clear and not repetitive.

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. When you practice reciting your vows out loud, you can hear how they sound to you. Do you feel the energy and impact of what you are saying? If so, that will convey to your partner. Trying practicing in front of a mirror or videotaping yourself on your phone to see how the delivery part goes. Do you need more facial expressions, less hand gestures? Are there places where you stumble on your words? As long as you sound sincere and like yourself, that is all that matters, especially to your fiance’!

Writing your wedding vows can be easier than you think if you do it in small chunks and remember why you are here on this special day. You don’t have to be a rock star writer. After all, you aren’t writing for the world, you are writing for the person you love and connecting with them.

Marie’s Gold is wishing you all the best. If you try this out, and it still feel uncomfortable to you, then I would be happy to sit down and either help you write them or write them for you. Writing love letters and love stories are some of my favorite things to do.

Bless your journey. ~Marie

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